Hopes and Dreams

Taking the cue from my sister, Theresa, I will ruminate on her philosophical bend.
While we despair over our inability to rise above our own failings - lack of exercise, that decision to smoke, bad diet, fast food junkies, not enough exercise, low fiber in the diet, inability to control our weight ( do you see a trend here?), we do also provide several valuable example of admirable behavior for our children too.
I have always told Amy how beautiful she is and I have also asked her to try new foods and been willing to let her and Colt call the shots as to whether or not they are hungry. I drew the line at letting them eat cookies and chips for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I have seen my role, at times, as the person who keeps the gates closed to control the wild animals.
I am not the neat freak of my family, I manage to clean dishes and my house so that you can live in it, but I do not sanitize and mop daily or even weekly. I did not bathe my children daily when they were infants and often told my spouse "let them get dirty and eat dirt. it's how they build immunities". That means I had to be understanding when the dogs would lick the babies' faces and then proceed into their mouths.
I express my admiration for Amy and Colt's good traits in the hope that the reinforcement will stick. I often wondered if our life lessons on cleanliness, eating, looks, love, and God, were ever getting through. As my children get older, I have gotten the reward of watching them share some of these lessons with their friends (usually at a retreat, church or in CCE class). I have heard comments from teachers and caregivers about how my children express themselves to hear many things that Vernon and I have said at home being repeated for the benefit of the ignorant. Not all were things I would have cared to be repeated, but it is what it is. A valued opinion that a loved parent has spewed - maybe too freely, with a child present.
I often wonder if I have drilled certain concepts too much (stop talking about nothing) or too little (wash your face and brush your teeth at least twice a day). Ultimately, it will probably all balance out in the end. And I am here to rescue them from their stupidity and poor judgement, if needed.
My career is my career, I could not stop being a nurse if I wanted to. I tell my kids their job for now is to be a student. Homework and school comes first. BUT that within that context we, as a family, have jobs we all share. If you are sick or have too much homework, talk to me and I'll cover the job. But if you don't do your job then I don't have to do my job and it all comes crashing around our heads. I do love that my children are old enough to shoulder some of the duties of a household and that they take pride in doing those jobs well. I tell them that someday they will be on their own and Mom/Dad won't be there to pick up after them or feed them. I have always set something up for them to access some food on their own and I encourage their Independence. If you are going to do a job then do the whole job, don't take a shortcut because you don't like what you are doing - do it right the first time then you don't have to keep doing it over and over. Good things come to he who waits, Rome wasn't built in a day, etc. I love proverbs. I also try to make things fun if I can. Sometimes you can't make it fun, so then I try to do that chore with them. And then I usually summarize my pontificating with - "Do your best, no body is perfect. I certainly am far from perfect, but I ask if I need help and do my best with what I am given and that is all I can ask of you."
Theresa, you are a loving mother and you have loving children, THAT is the basis for true success as a parent.

Heart and Soul

Had my Cardiologist follow-up today. Okay, My BP was 140/85 so he bumped up my meds to metoprolol 50 mg daily. The treadmill showed equivocal (could means something or then again mean nothing) changes to the anterior leads but I went 9 1/2 minutes which was good. He also said the echocardiogram was good with 60-65% left ventricular ejection fraction (normal is > 50%) but some palpitations were noted while in the hospital. I told him, yes, I have palpitations from time to time, thought it was normal. He said with a laugh, maybe in your family it is normal but not normal for most people. SO - the plan is a thallium treadmill next week and holter monitor for a few days. I go back in 1 month. Plan is for a low fat, low cholesterol, low salt diet - no problemo. He did note that I had lost some weight - and gave me kudos for that. We discussed the diverticulitis and that I will see the GI doc on Saturday. He asked how Amy's retreat went and then talked about how much stress am I under ( not much in my eye's - I love my job and my daily life although Vernon thinks living with him is doing me in). I told him that I tend to internalize but that I am using some relaxation techniques to moderate stress and also have begun journaling to help with stress management, too. I'm pushing myself to walk 30 minutes a day. He was well pleased with my plans and is looking forward, he said, to our next visit. All in all pretty good. I'm really trying, Mom.

Stupid Lying Idiots

OK, I get it you're busy. But, I call and leave a message for the doctor - you'd better call me back. I work in a doctor's office too AND give chemo to people while I'm here and I can find the time to call back each and every patient that needs to hear from our office. DON'T lie to me and say "we did call" - NO, you didn't, I have call waiting on my cell and at home. You tell me the doctor said such and such Mrs. so and so, and what is your name?? Huh, where did you come from? Do you understand English? Can you read? If the doctor said such and such for ME - you should know my name!!! The doctor said go to the ER. I'm not buying that - he told ME to call the office if I have a problem, so I ask for an appointment and then you say, "we have nothing, we are completely booked" then say "I can schedule you at 9:00 am" You just told me you were completely booked. Obviously, you do not know the meaning of telling the TRUTH or HONESTY or CUSTOMER SERVICE. Why do doctors hire idiots? It drives people away from their business.

Kitty Cat Scares Me

Our two little cats are the most daring things. About a month ago, we were watching TV and suddenly a black blur streams down the wall of the stairs, Esmeralda calmly lands and walks off as if nothing happened. Amy and I were totally freaked out. Then Loki comes nonchalantly walking down the stairs until he sees little black cat then he launches himself at her like a rocket.
Last night a am walking from my bedroom and here is the white cat walking on the balcony, then stopping and wiggling his hind end like he is about to jump off. I freaked out and tried to scoop him off the balcony into the walkway floor. He looks at me after he is on the floor like "Hey! what is your problem?" then he proceeds to walk into my bedroom like he was just seeing what I would do.
I fear for the summer when the ceiling fan is going and either one or both of them decide to jump onto the fan from the balcony. Splattered cat is not an attractive idea.

Dancin' Man

Vernon was near to busting with pride last night at the Junior High Dance. His son (Colt is no longer mine) asked a girl to SLOW dance and she said yes. He doesn't know her name, she doesn't go to his school, he hasn't seen her at church, just at the dances and he thinks she is really "pretty". Only 2 boys, total had the nerve to ask a girl to dance. Colt was so proud of himself, especially with the other 7th grade boys looking on enviously. He is counting down to the next dance on February 13th.

I'm Lost

Last weekend, we got back form the retreat with Amy and both Vernon and I promptly fell asleep. I did not wake up until after 5pm Mass - so no bulletin = no schedule of upcoming events. Colt, who had gone to church at 9 am with my Mom, was also without a bulletin - says they didn't have any. So here is the issue, I think both Amy and Colt, are supposed to serve 5PM mass this next Sunday, but I'm not sure. The church website will not bring up the schedule or the bulletin.
Maybe I can access the schedule when we are at the church tonight checking out the youth dance moves (junior high dance). Otherwise, Amy and Colt will have to dress to serve and we'll get there early to make sure we don't mess up.

ps i never did get organized last monday - i'm shooting for this weekend to get it all back under control, my control issues continue.

pps thanks theresa and mary - amy said you made sense

Tough To Be A Teenage Girl

Amy is finding that

1. her friends think that she is a cold unfeeling friend
2. she has no tolerance for drama queens
3. she is a kinder friend than some of her friends
4. her friends are half nuts, partially crackers, and downright insane at times

She doesn't get girls who say they hate someone/something then can't leave the subject alone. I must admit I don't get it either. The whole boyfriend/girlfriend stuff just baffles her - me too. I think Amy is pretty grounded and sensible. She focuses on the job she is there at school to do - LEARN. Her friends are a pretty eclectic group. Her closest friends are a bit wacko, in my 'mom' opinion. Too much worrying about makeup, boys and who is friend with whom. I think Vernon makes a better Mom in this aspect. He knows so much more than I about relationships and how a girl thinks. I'm not even sure sometimes how I got into my relationship with him. I think he coordinated it all for my benefit.

I do not miss that stuff at all. I was not particularly successful in my high school career - however you define success. How did I get to be the class treasurer in my junior year? Why was I called 'Jane'? And as you all know, it was good we had uniforms because I absolutely had (and have) no idea how to match clothes. I want Garanimals for women. At least Amy can dress herself.

Can any Aunts or a Grandma out there provide words of wisdom on dealing with friends who do not like each other?

It's All Gone

I came into work this morning and normally, I would take my chemo waste containers that are 3/4 full and move them to the pick-up spot. I knew I had 2 containers that were almost ready to move. Surprise, Surprise, Surprise!! All the containers and needle boxes were empty this morning. Apparently, the new housekeeping staff pried off the tops and emptied the containers, blood, needles, and chemo waste. Now we just have to figure out where it all went. The dumpster was empty this morning - hope it wasn't in the regular trash.
If you all here of medical waste in the local landfill - turn on the TV you'll probably see my picture.

First Day

IT was crazy this morning. First day back for the kids and Vernon to school. No alarms were set so we all got up running. Amy realized she hadn't heard the alarm for her to get to the bus, so she hightailed it to the bus stop and then called that no one was there and what if she missed the bus. I reassured her that if she missed the bus I would take her to school (love my job being so close to home), but that she was probably okay. Sure enough, the bus came @ 5 minutes later but not before she called again to say no one else had come to the bus stop yet. I guess we weren't the only one having a hard time getting back on track.
Vernon's stomach got all upset - oh how he hates school. I am praying that he gets a high school position next year - at least the TAKS issue wouldn't be crammed in his face day after day. The bureaucracy is outrageous. CFISD need to change their administrative team to see the BIG picture. And start using the books you bought. They have a team of curriculum specialists who make up the scope and sequence for each class, and these people do not use the book that the district spent all it's money on. SO why buy the book if you aren't going to use it?? We could save a load of money getting rid of these people.
Let me step down now and get back to the real world of nursing. Have a great Tuesday!

All set up

I'm scheduled for my stress treadmill test on Wednesday and follow-up on the 28th. I'm back to work tomorrow.

I'm getting a mild flare up of

1. eczema - any time I'm stressed this flares up and started before the ER visit
2. diverticulitis - pain to the lower left abdomen, feeling like you've gotta poop but nothing is moving.

I'm guessing this is due to the lack of fiber in my 2 day hospital stay and 2 day retreat. Normally, I am getting 20-40 grams of fiber. This keeps things moving and clean. (Another sign I am getting old, focus on my bowels! )

I am waiting for the reports on my cholesterol/triglycerides to see how my New Year's dietary changes were impacting things. All the whole foods, increased veggies and fruit, the morning tofu smoothies.

I am trying to stay positive. Working on my optimism towards all this illness crap. I hate being sick and dependant on others. But most of all I hate the loss of control . That tends to make me crabby and irritable. I am feeling like everything is just floating in the vacuum of space. I am hoping to get a better handle on things, like firm up my daily routine, get my menus and grocery list out for the rest of January and February, review and prepare for my CCE classes. My off day will get me wrapped back up in my controlled cocoon.

Now What?!!

I had a fun week after my post Wednesday. I went the the doctor, my BP was 160/102. He changed my meds and added an antibiotic for a suspected sinus infection. I started the meds that night and woke up feeling GREAT!!! Really, no headache, no pain, nothing bad, lots of energy, until I was driving to work and started feeling pain in my back and tingling in my hands, then I got short of breath and made a quick decision to go the the ER at CY-Fair hospital. I couldn't even write my name when I got there. I had never had such a feeling of total "What the hell is happening now?" The staff told me to calm down, that I was hyperventilating. Then had the gall to ask me if I had anxiety attacks. You've got to be shitting me was my thought but I calmly said nope, never. I did get right in and they did screen me for a heart attack. I called my job and left messages that I wouldn't be in, then called my mom, who lovingly came to sit with me until 3:30 pm when we were told I would be staying overnight. (wow- what a run on sentence)
It turns out I had an esophageal spasm from the doxycycline irritation and resultant chest pain that sent me into a panic attack with hyperventilation and respiratory acidosis causing tingling from a drop in serum calcium levels. I spent most of Thursday in the ER then went up to a room at 6:30 and then labs, chest xrays, and more labs until the doctor came to let me go home at 7:30 Friday evening. Heart function is 60-65% - Normal, no elevation in cardiac enzymes - so no heart attack. I have to call tomorrow for a stress test on Wednesday and then follow-up the following week. Seems like not everything is hunky-dory but I'll focus on that then. The doctor was so sweet because I had been pretty emotional all day. (Sorry I hung up on you, I was starting to cry. I thought most everything was said and I didn't want to upset you with my tears.) I had told Amy I would chaperon the retreat and told Vernon it was no big deal, I would be there and then had to tell them leave without me. I told them I would maybe come depending on the outcome of the tests. The doctor was all "What is going on? The nurses are telling me you have been crying." Then he told me to have Vernon stop the car and come and get me for the retreat; which wasn't going to happen since Amy HAD to tbe there no later than 8PM. I was so grateful all was well. I called Vernon and told him and the retreat team I would be there but would be late. I left the hospital to go home, shower, get the new prescription filled, and then drive up to Plantersville.
We had a good retreat and I am still adjusting to the new meds, (I get a bit lightheaded if I move too fast).
We got home today and I fell asleep cutting coupons, woke up at 5PM, missed Mass, went grocery shopping, finishing laundry, and Thank God, I am off tomorrow.
Amy will have to update you all on the retreat. It seems that all the kids enjoyed themselves and really got something out of the "Yeah, Jesus, How Can We Help" message.
A super Duper big thanks to my Mom, the bestest, most fantastic Mom in the entire World!!! No words can convey how much I love you. Oops, the tears are starting - you know me, gotta go now. XXOO

NO MORE FINALS...but new classes <3 Amy

I'm so happy to be done with my finals. I ended up exempting Biology because I tend to have various helpful or hurtful grades and I wanted to keep my current A. My one blow-off class, AG, (seriously, we don't do ANYTHING except this one little packet), I thought was going to be easy, but, alas, I made a 75. But it wasn't that big of a deal because I have a 100 in that class and the test grade only brought me down to a 95, (yes, you who follow, Dad gasped when he heard). As far as I know, I made a 96 on my World Geography final, a 94 on my English final, a 104(bonus points) on my Spanish final and then that 75. I'm hoping Mrs. Goedken got my Geometry test in and so did Mrs. Robicheaux(Orchestra). I'm super happy that the semester's over, but I'm not particularly ecstatic about going back to school Tuesday to a new schedule. My AG class will be replaced with AAS (Advanced Academic Strategies, where you take notes on taking notes) Woo. I'm just hoping my teacher is nice and that I get it over with with an A. I have a retreat this weekend that both guardians will be chaperoning, just so long as mom keeps up the feeling better.

And now, just for fun, A though to ponder:(this is what I get everyday on announcements)
Why do we drive in parkways and drive in parkways?
(heehee!)

Illness of a chronic nature

It appears I have high blood pressure, the family curse, hypertension officially. I have had a killer headache for the past week, vision changes and intermittent morning headaches, which I attributed to the snoring and obesity. It turns out that my BP (blood pressure) was topping out at 160/100, Not good. So I went to the doctor Saturday, he gave me Norvasc and Darvocet. Not working, Monday he bumped me up to 2 tablets of the Norvasc. I am not functioning well in this condition. I'm still not feeling better. I swear my face is swollen and my vision is no better. I still have the elevated pressure. I really hate feeling like this! and I have to chaperon Amy's Preconfirmation retreat this weekend. I think it is time to go back to the doctor. I am also running a low grade fever - and feel like I have a sinus infection. Maybe it is just the infection, huh? a little antibiotics and all will be better, right?
I'll let you know.

Noises

Amy and I are sitting here on Sunday night after all our weekend work and homework is done. We went to the microsoft download site for graphics and SOUNDS. We found all kinds of fun stuff and managed to annoy the heck out of the talkative one - Colt! Wow, has it been fun! We never thought we would be able to annoy the boy with his own brand of noise. Unfortunately, there is no clip of farts or gas, we are so sad. :(
We hope you can go to this link and play some of the laughs. http://office.microsoft.com/en-us/clipart We loved the "Laugh and Snort"
See Ya' Amy and Joan

To A Great Husband -

I am sometimes an absolute horror to my husband. But when push comes to shove and I am feeling bad he manages to do the right thing. I had the worst headache last night and my blood pressure was too high for me. I got home and must have looked like shit, because Vernon asked me what was wrong and was so supportive of my decision to go to bed. No follow-ups, no "honey, what do we do now?", just checking on me and making sure I was okay. Unfortunately, this has put worry in his mind about me and I hate to stress him out. He has so much on his plate being a teacher and all that.
Vernon - You are the BEST. I love you so very much <3

Character Building

My most embarrassing moment - this is just the one that I can't forget. I know I've done lots of other bloopers, but this one sticks with me.
I had just moved to Texas and was with some new friends at the high school where I was in my senior year (I looked so young no one believed I was a senior) and we were talking about how stupid people can be. And I blurted out, "Yeah, people can be such twats!" really meaning twits but I was too stupid to even realize I had goofed up. One of my sweet friends took me aside after everyone had just stopped and stared at me after I said that, and asked if I knew what I had said. I asked her why was she asking me that and she then told me what a twat was and I just about died right there. I went back to the group and apologized with the excuse - "Yup, I am a stupid Yankee" Maybe that's why I don't keep up with any one from Victoria HS. How do you ever live that one down?

Who Thinks Like THAT?!

We had an inservice on how to collect money with a new electronic machine this morning. I was pissed - less than 24 hour notice of this meeting and first thing in the morning when all the patients start arriving (totally screwed up my prep time for a busy day of chemo). We get on the phone to learn this stuff, all four of us crammed around a computer, listening intently on a speaker phone in front of patients. No instruction sheets provided, at least if there was a sheet I could follow along. Then the woman talking to us says "here is how I'm teaching this but you'll have to talk to your business office people to determine what they want to do." Huh? You are the one teaching us, did no one tell you what we, the big bad company, are supposed to do?
I talk to the higher ups and what she says is, "my bad". Hey! You are an executive - you don't say "my bad"!
Seriously, my company is acting stupid, in a major way.

My Brain is not BIG enough!

I have run out of room in my brain for all the log-in IDs and passwords I have to use. At work, I have a list of 39, thirty-nine!, log-ins. Even if I could remember, which I can't, it is too much to keep track of these. SO I have alphabetized my list for quick reference and colored every other line for definition. I know, a bit OCD, but oh so much easier to follow and find when I have to go from site to site. Every site has it's own login and password timing reset. No wonder I have a headache at the end of the day!

I have also come to the realization that if I had to start oncology nursing NOW, I'd never make it. There is so much more to know than there was 20 years ago. Just the drugs alone, class of drug, brand and generic names, administration, normal dosing range, side effects, compatibilities, storage and MSDS, is enough to have me running to a book to reference. And I'm supposed to teach this stuff in 3 weeks to a group of nurses who are going to take their Oncology Certification Test. I guess you know what I'll be doing for the next few weeks.

Small Measures

It is that time of year that many of us make resolutions and I have never been one to do resolution on new years but this year I am compelled to jump in to the fray.
I stepped on the scale this morning and almost fell over. I am not really big on checking my weight, (not like Vernon who steps on the scale several times a day, like after showering or every meal or every bathroom function) but I am noticing that my clothes are beginning to feel a bit tight. On the scale I went and the numbers just downright DEPRESSED me.
I need to get moving. I eat a fairly healthy diet. No fried foods, minimal junk food, lots of fiber and a balanced diet. But now it is time to get more than serious about this. Vernon and I are committed to moving more, eating less and losing this blubber. Maybe in the process getting healthier.
I am going to set small goals to lose 10 pounds at a time, hopefully over a month. I'm hoping to look much better and feel astoundingly better by my birthday in September. I'm trying to take it one day at a time.
I'm using the BCBS Personal Health Manager and FitDay to track my progress. And for all of you who know me and my menus, I've already got recipes for bulgur, garbanzo beans, tofu smoothies and all other manner of outlandish health foods. My January monthly menu has lots of salads and lowfat but filling meals. I'm using an indoor walk video and yoga videos. Stay tuned for the updates!

The Dreaded Pirate Roberts

Got your attention! Hah!
Just a boring post about how much fun we had yesterday. We got up and ignored the call to celebrate a holy day of obligation, Feast of Mary, and instead decided to take the whole group of us four out for some fun. We went to Space Center houston and went through the new exhibit on GIANT planets. Then stuffed ourselves at the ever popular and cheap CiCi's Pizza. Onward from there to the LEGO store at Baybrook Mall, and Hot Topic - for Amy, and then Spencers for chess sets and a bag for me. We left as the Mall closed around us at 6 PM. We had a lot of fun.
Today we are all either back at work (me) or at home preparing for the return to school Monday.
Maybe we'll hear more about the Dreaded Pirate Roberts this weekend! Ahoy, Matey!!

Beauty and the Beast

I'm not complaining. I understand that "beauty takes time and effort". It is just such a shame that my husband reflects the mantra above. I get up in the morning and complete my morning ablutions, wake the boy and let the dogs out, fix my lunch and off to work. I am usually up by 6am and out the door by 7 am, if it is just me and the dogs I'm outta' here in 30 minutes. But the husband and his beauty regimen starts at 4:20 am on a weekday and proceed for just him until he is out the door at 6:45 am. The OCD definitely impairs the process. But if beauty is determined by the time you spend on prepping yourself then it is pretty certain the Vernon is the Beauty and I am the Beast.

(P.S. I think I am prettier anyway!)

As promised - The kitties

Loki is the white one and Esmeralda is the black one - brother and sister respectively.